Really sad today 😔
9:33 AM IFTTT , WordPress 0 Comments

I’ve been at the office since 8am, which is a miracle considering how sick I’ve been feeling, and how much medication I’ve been taking for two weeks now. I really struggle when my health gets that weak, because I feel like I lose control. I don’t know if I will be able to go to meetings, or go to work, or even just type a letter. It is very disheartening.
One of my most difficult battles to fight is being consistently reliable.
When I get as sick as I have been getting for the past few weeks, the phone is put aside and not answered, e-mails don’t even get looked at, computer is shut off, I am completely disconnected.
Last week, I worked really hard on the week-end to catch up on all the work I was behind on when I got sick. Now this week the same thing happened, and here I am on Monday morning, back to where I was last week: A whole week behind :( It is hard emotionally.
One thing that made me feel immensely better was a phone call from my mom. When she called, I was sleeping (yes, at noon), and my husband woke me up to talk to her. She has major health issues herself, and gets what it’s like, but you know what she said? “You have got to figure something out and stop taking these medications, you can’t even function on them. This can’t happen [by this time I was feeling really guilty]. You are a brilliant, exceptional woman, we need you to be in good health. Having you down and drugged is a waste!” Anyway, I am not even sure of the exact words she used, I didn’t have the mental capacity at that time, plus it was in Spanish, so not translating literally, but they were the perfect words. What she said, in essence, was that people like me should never be down because they are changing the world, making a difference, and one day down is one day wasted. Wow. Only a mother could believe in you that much, right? I am a lucky girl.
I really hate letting people down, it affects me to the core, and yet I seem to always be cancelling meetings and commitments because of my health. It makes me sad. Most days I think “well, tomorrow is a new day, the world didn’t end, I’ll pick up where I left off” which is true, but whats’ also true is that I’m not even sure if I will be able to work the next day, or to be my best self, and when it doesn’t happen for many days in a row, I feel like I am imposing on everyone else around me.
Today I am at work, medicated just enough to be able to type and have a simple conversation, so let’s see how far I get. Hope your last week was amazing! :)