stop… I’m confused (maybe even sad)
1:59 AM IFTTT , WordPress 0 Comments

It’s 1:22am, I am still awake, and so is the rest of my family for that matter. Alex (hubby) is on a business call with China (we were watching a movie but had to stop it at 1am for the call). Dominick is in his room about to go to sleep, and I came to my room, am in bed, with all these strange feelings floating around in my brain. I’m sad.
I want to do so much, and somehow I don’t feel I measure up. I am confused: Am I doing the right thing? Am I spending my time wisely? Am I where I should be? These are all, to an extent, existential questions that have plagued me since I was a little girl. I remember being so sad on my 16th birthday because I felt I had not amounted to much in those 16 years of existence. I was truly sad. Today is a similar day. I know what I need to do, and I normally am very good at following my path, but some days, I feel I don’t do enough.

This past week has been hard, in many fronts: Work, personal, family-wise… There have been so many great things, and at the same time, so many times where I doubted everything about me. Am I happy with myself? Am I making others happy? Am I doing the right things? Why am I leaving this and that thing aside? Am I taking chances?

Sometimes I think I do everything right, only to find out that perhaps it wasn’t what was needed, what was expected, what was useful… Other times, I see myself responding in a way when I know there is a better way to say it, do it, be. :(

Anyway, hard to explain, too long and too difficult unless you know everything about me from the moment I was born – It’s that intricate.
I just have the feeling I need to hide for a few days, put things into perspective, regroup, re-think, re-connect with myself.
Sometimes the world spins so fast…